When Your Brain Just Won’t Stop

When I was younger I used to lay in bed at night think­ing. My mind would move from one topic to the next for what seemed like hours. Some­times it was plan­ning out things to do the next day. Some­times I was worry­ing about the things I’d said or done the day before. I’d write stories in my head or I’d replay events figur­ing out how I could have handled it better. My brain just didn’t want to turn off.

I think most people have this happen at least occa­sion­ally, but it was a regu­lar thing for me that contin­ued through my twen­ties. In fact it really didn’t stop for me until my life got so busy and tiring that I began to fall asleep within minutes of turn­ing the lights out out of simple exhaus­tion. I had a simple method of deal­ing with my hyper­ac­tive brain and it was read­ing.  Fiction was the ideal way to distract me and relax my brain. It’s why I was able to read such a large number of books over the years. To this day I still do most of my read­ing at night. It’s just become an ingrained habit.

Inter­est­ing side­bar. It seems that people with Asperg­ers often expe­ri­ence this sort of diffi­culty calm­ing down enough to go to sleep. While I was never diag­nosed with Asperg­ers, one of my sons has. Maybe it’s coin­ci­dence, maybe it’s not.

The reason I’m writ­ing about this now, is that I seem to be revert­ing to my old sleep­ing patterns. It took me a few nights to real­ize what was happen­ing, but this week I’ve been laying in bed in the dark replay­ing the days events. It starts off simply enough, just quickly think­ing about a partic­u­lar inci­dent. And then I run through it again. And again.

It’s  as though my brain gets stuck in a loop. Part of me is aware of what’s happen­ing, but I’m not able to break free of it and I go right back to worry­ing at the inci­dent.

Did I say the right thing? Was the other person being unrea­son­able? What else could I have done? Why didn’t I do it? What will the fall­out be? Did I say the right thing? Was the other person being unrea­son­able?

And on it goes.

I’m not sure why this has started up again, and I’m really hoping it’s just a reac­tion to a partic­u­larly stress­ful few weeks. What­ever the cause, I guess I’m going to get a lot more books read.

About Eoghann Irving

Overly opinionated owner and author of eoghann.com. You can get updated on his posts directly on the blog here or through the usual social networking suspects. What? You expected me to say something interesting here? That's what the blog posts are for. Eoghann has often wondered if people read these little bio things we have to fill out everywhere on the internet and, assuming they do, why?

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